Fishers of Men

My Testimony

This is my testimony unto the Lord of the time of my salvation. For most of my life I have known of the Lord and his love, yet also I have most of those days running from him. My life has consistently been filled with financial problems, battles with depression, loneliness, self-worthlessness, and lots of heartbreak. While I know that this is no different than most other people, I also know that instead of trying to face these issues alone, if I had turned to Jesus then he would have carried these burdens for me. I was raised up in a smaller Pentecostal church, but when I was 18 years old, I pretty much gave up living for Christ and went on to be your average young man trying to live life own terms, far from God’s voice. A few years later, even though I didn’t understand it at the time, Good brought a very special person into my life, who would, in time, be a very important part of showing me the way back to Christ. Through two failed marriages, lots of financial issues, and mental illness struggles, I continued to run from Christ and seek peace through the things of this world. The past two years have been especially rough thanks to the separation and eventual divorce from my second wife. This coupled with major bouts of crippling depression, extreme times of self-loathing and hate, and the constant feeling of being eternally alone left me in a state of great despair. Thanks be unto God, that I have been blessed with a mother and stepfather who love the Lord dearly and who continually get me in their prayers. If not for them then I know that I would not be here to write this. Their prayers and the Lord’s faithfulness and grace are what kept away all of the harm that Satan has meant for me.

Eventually, in his timing, God made away for that special person to make their way back into life. That leads us to Saturday, January 28th, 2023. While being blessed to be able to spend the day with this person, God revealed so much to me through them. When we would talk about the Lord, I could see the love that they have for Christ in every part of their being! It shown through like a light in N the darkest night! It was the most beautiful thing that I have ever saw! I could see and feel the joy and peace that Christ had given them. At that moment I realized that not only did I need that in my life, but also that I wanted that in my life more than anything I realized that through all of the years that I had been running away from Christ that this that he was showing me through this person was the very reason that I should have been running towards him. All I ever wanted was peace and love, yet I guess that I was so afraid of letting go of the things of this world and giving Christ the control and let him provide those things. He is the only way that we will ever truly have either. Over the next few days, I began to read his Holy Word and pray as often as I could. I knew that I wasn’t quite to the point that I could surrender all to him, so I was trying to fill myself with as much of his word and presence that I could in hopes that he would completely break down the walls that I had built up for so long. I believe that the final wall was broken down on the morning of February 1st. Since I had been seeking the Lord, I had been in a constant battle. Satan had been attacking me nonstop. I felt as if I was being tormented. My desires for the world were pulling me one way and the Holy Spirit was drawing me to Him. I didn’t know what to do, but shortly before I left from work to return home, I felt that I needed to delete all of my music from Spotify. Throughout my life, even when I had come to Christ before, music, rock especially, was the one thing that I held on to. This time I wanted the Lord more than I wanted anything, so I gladly gave up the music of the world that once was a big part of my life. A few minutes later, I left work. I started playing one of my favorite gospel songs, ‘It was Me’ by Michael Combs. 

The Holy Spirit moved on me in a great way, and I knew that it was time to come home to Jesus. I confessed my sins and asked him to come into my heart and forgive me. HE DID!!! Praise the Lord! I am counted amount the redeemed! I felt his love flow through me, but still there was something not quite right. I still felt a sadness and it was somehow holding me back somehow. I really can’t explain it. I struggled all day with this, and I finally came to realize that there was something that I could possibly put before God.

He impressed that I needed to step away from this other thing so that I could truly put him first. This made me very sad because I love this other thing very much. Nevertheless, I did what he asked of me. It was a very hard thing to do, and my heart was very broken. Almost immediately the sadness that has been there earlier was gone. It was replaced by the pain of having to walk away from something that you had loved very dearly for for a very long time. I struggled with this pain for a couple of days, all the while, not understanding why I was still hurting, and the Lord wasn’t comforting me. Eventually the Holy Sprit showed me that even though I had been obedient, I had also been clinging to the pain, so I wasn’t really letting it go. Once I realized this and left it to God and His will, then the pain lessened.

I have been seeking the Lord and trying to fill my life with His Word and his presence. I am so thankful that God never gave up on me and that now I am Home!

I am excited to see how God will use me to fulfill his will. I want to go wherever He leads and do the things that he desires for me to do. I want him to be the center of my life now and forever! I am so very thankful that over 30 years ago God put his plan in motion to bring me back to him and so thankful that he used the person that he used the person that he did to lead me back into his loving arms! That person now has an even more special place in my heart.

God can work things out even when we can’t see away. If you are having problems and it seems like there is no answer or way out, like you are alone and with no hope. Just know that the only true hope! That hope left the Heavenly Father’s side, came to this earth, suffered and died on the cross, and rose again on the third day, just so you can have that hope. That hope’s name is Jesus Christ! He is the only way that we can ever know true peace and love. He is the only way to salvation to salvation and everlasting life!

Without him, we have nothing, with him, we have everything!

If you don’t know Jesus as your Lord and Savior, I pray that this my testimony may help you open up your heart to him and let him come in and make you whole and give you eternal life through the blood of his sacrifice.

Lord, I thank you for the gift of salvation, the mercy and Grace of your Love, and the righteousness of your Word. You are my rock and my shepherd. Use me Lord that thy Kingdom and Glory may be uplifted, and souls won for you! I ask this in your perfect and Holy name! Amen